Love and Sex
Why women don’t always want a serious relationship and men do
What do women really want from their relationships?
Relationship counsellor, George Moufarrej explores this question in his book “Sexual Euphoria: A Complete Guide for Men and Women.” According to Moufarrej, recently divorced women are embracing their sexual freedom, choosing casual relationships over long-term commitment. Surprisingly, Moufarrej claims that it’s men who are more interested in serious relationships. Additionally, the New York Times recently released an article about college age women embracing the casualness of “hook-up culture.” Taking this information at face value, it would seem as though there’s been a complete shift in the dating landscape. However, is this what’s really happening?
When I ended a long-term relationship in Toronto and moved back to my sleepy hometown, I experienced to a certain extent what Moufarrej is talking about. I was more interested in having fun and taking things slowly. However, during my dating adventures I encountered several guys who wanted to get serious right away.
I was startled when a guy told me on the second date, “I need you to commit to seeing me at least 3 times a week, otherwise we’ll lose momentum” - a statement that made me want to run for the hills.
When I told a friend this story, she explained that she’s had similar experiences in her hometown of Boston. “Every guy you meet wants to get wifed up by the second date!” she said. I can’t speak for my friend, however my desire to keep things casual had nothing to do with societal trends or the fact that I am a woman. It was just responding to what I needed at that point in my life.
For further insight, I turned to Iona Monk, a registered clinical counsellor and founder of Vancouver Couples Counselling. Monk confirmed that we often need and want different kinds of relationships at different points in our lives. “When women's biological clocks are ticking, we tend to naturally want more serious ties. When women are younger, we may want to just have fun and get to know ourselves sexually by experimenting with more partners . When we're past child bearing years, we want companionship, caring and nurturing relationships,” Monk says.
Monk explains, “Women are getting more mature and honest with themselves about the reality of relationships. They’re more in touch with their own limitations and the reality of how much work goes into their lives.”
Monk says that regardless of gender,“We all have needs to matter, to be loved, to be a priority, to be cared about, to be good enough to our significant other” adding, “Whether we are in touch with them and feel safe asking for them in relationships is what accounts for the differences!”