LOVE AND SEX
What women really want when it comes to one-night stands
The one-night stand is alive and well.
According to a recent Match.com study, 31% of North Americans had a one-night stand in 2012. With so many singles embracing casual encounters, are there certain rules we should be following?
GQ magazine sex columnist Siobhan Rosen thinks so. The author recently wrote an article titled “The Gentleman’s Guide to a One-Night Stand” which advises men on the proper etiquette for casual sexual encounters. Many of her suggestions such as “Use protection!” and “Don’t get so drunk you can’t put on a condom!” are common sense.
However, she also instructs men to clean their apartment before they go out for the evening and if the sexy time occurs at the woman’s place, they should feel obligated to stay the night so the woman doesn’t “feel like garbage” the next day. I can’t help but wonder, is this what women really want out of their one-night stands?
Although I’d prefer if your apartment didn’t look like the set of a Seth Rogan movie from the mid-2000s, my expectations are going to be slightly different if I’m just looking for sex, than if we were actually dating. Articles like the GQ piece are confusing to men because they send the message that sex isn’t enough – we also want them to do boyfriendly things like sleep over (even when they don’t want to) just so we don’t feel bad.
This just reinforces the stereotype that women, unlike men, are always looking for more than just sex. Gentlemen, the truth is we want sex just as bad as you do and sometimes we don’t want you around afterward.
My self-esteem won’t be shattered if you politely excuse yourself after our encounter. Let’s be honest, I’d much rather be comfortably splayed out under my cloud-like down duvet than worry about bumping limbs with the sweaty stranger asleep next to me. As for your apartment, if it turns out a stack of mouldy pizza boxes serve as end tables in your living room, I’d rather know right away. It makes it that much easier for me to walk out the door after we’re done. One-night stands are unpredictable, which is essentially part of their appeal. Enter into them with the realistic expectation that they might not play out as you expected, keeping in mind that if you always “feel like garbage” after having one, they might not be for you.
My rules for everyone are simple: Be honest, be mature, be respectful, protect yourself and throw out those pizza boxes – not because you want to have sex, but because it’s part of being a decent human being.